And now for a bit of fun with the oxymoronic progressive Zionists:

The Moral Philosopher’s Dating Service


If you want to make it easier to support Israel,
you know, date a Zionist tonight.

-- Alan Dershowitz


If there were any lies to be told, they were best
left to the Professor of Moral Philosophy,
who might be even better at it.

-- Horace Rumpole


Dersh has said "It's just not cool
to be a Zionist at school"
The girls all run away a-screamin'
when they find you're Gush Emunim

How to get a date, asks Dersh
Without the Zionistic curse?
The remedy is bold for sure
Discourse gridlock is the cure

Both sides thereof we’ll firmly seize
Stop all discussion in a freeze
The right wing side’s already ours
Likud, Falwell, Dov Lior

No need to give those dudes assistance
The US admin’s in a trance
But academia? Now here’s an opp-
ortunity to really stop

Those lefty profs, all anti-Semites
Pro-divestment, suchlike blight
They won’t support, they won’t assist
Israel’s G-d-given right to exist

It’s critical we get a grip
Become pro-Pal and make it hip
As Zionists we’ll say "Tsk tsk
The occupation’s such a risk"

All those gays in Palestine?
Oppressed, repressed by fundie swine
Crocodile tears we’ll weep
Pretending that we care (it’s cheap)

Kinder, gentler, we’ll array
In leftish terms so to defray
The rightward thrust of comrades meet
Controlling both sides of this street

Iron gripp’d, the discourse dies
It matters not the use of lies
Palestinians? Who gives a shit
Their DNA, it just don’t fit

Hark! Here comes Ted with mincing smirk
I’m the chap to do this work
Progressive, moi? I’ve got the props
Suave and glib, I sure won’t flop

I’ll state right off that I’m a Zionist
Tough luck to those who might get pissed
T’was quite the moral thing to do
Founding Israel post-WW2

Facts on the ground now firmly there
So put up, shut up, what’s fair is fair
And moral too, their privilege now
Racist apartheid (and how!)

I’ll wax outraged at the sight
Of Palestinians and their plight
(but only 'neath the occupation)
Then commence terror conflation

Hammer on their "right" to terror
(the repetition’s not an error)
Again and yet once more repeat
A subtle way to scam and cheat

Palestinians of their right
To resist, to return and so to fight
(As enshrined in law international
For everyone a right quite rational)

Cementing in the public mind
Palestinians/terror thus entwined
Paired forever and evermore
‘Til endeth the endless terror war

So we respond: Thou hypocrite!
You don’t fool us, not one whit
Criminalizing resistance here
We reject the terror smear

And as for solving problems moral
Amd muting the religious chorale
The answer true, fair and just
There is just one in which to trust

For all the folks on either side
The time has come, it must be tried
A single state, not theocratic
But secular and democratic

(Just see who howls the loudest now
The sweat breaks out on guess who's brow?
The single state’s a bitter curse
Anathema, Z’nists averse)

So cease pretentious moralizing
And drop your terror stigmatizing
You want moral without dilution?
One man/one vote, the just solution

Note:
A bit of doggerel in the manner of the Burma Shave
poetry from the roadsides of my youth. Poetry (and most
particularly doggerel) generally comes unreferenced,
but the words of Dershowitz, Honderich and the actions
of the Columbia University Journal of Human Immunology
are such that the citations have been indicated with hypertext
for those readers who may wish to verify for themselves
that Atty Dershowitz did indeed make the cited dating
recommendation, that the editor of the Journal of
of Immunology did indeed exhort subscribers to tear out
and destroy the offending journal pages and that the Moral
Philosopher did indeed whine publicly about being censored
by the Palestinian Student Union only to be rumbled shortly
thereafter.  ¶ 7:51 AM